You know it is so funny....I don't think I have been more confused and lost about a situation as much as I am right now. I feel like a big dummy.....I'm 23 years old I thought life would make so much sense by now...I was so off. I wish there weren't so many colors in a world I always expect to be black and white. Can I really ask for that and would I even mean it if I were to say it out loud. What the heck does that even mean.
You know God you have totally thrown me for a loop in this one. Father I just pray that you guard or hearts...because it seems like someones is about to get broken and I would rather it be mine....which I feel like it kind of is. either way I will loose.
I will have nothing to count as loss because Lord you truly are all I will ever need.
Is that the lesson you are trying to teach me? Nothing on this earth will ever measure up? No person, no idea, no place, no future thoughts or presents situations on earth will ever bring me pure joy....because God I get that. I have learned that.
Can I go on a fast from boys...tell them I don't want to talk to them because I feel like I am lying to them both...and that God can't be telling both of them the same thing about me because you aren't telling me anything about them at least directly. Why do I let my heart get so involved in life? Why do I ramble on the internet. Why didn't my mother name me Madison after a street name instead of Whitney which is after a famous crack head with a few hit singles.
I love life really I do.
God I trust you. God my hope is only in you I know that you have a plan and a purpose and a reason for all things...even if I can't understand...even if it is hard to handle. I will never give up on you I will never doubt you....I just pray that when I stand in heaven with you....you will know how much I love you and how hard a sought to know you more.