Saturday, January 17, 2009

It turns out that I extremely enjoy playing guitar. Extremely as in makes my heart skip beats and it is all I think about all day every day...goodness I wish I new this earlier in life.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

You know it is so funny....I don't think I have been more confused and lost about a situation as much as I am right now. I feel like a big dummy.....I'm 23 years old I thought life would make so much sense by now...I was so off. I wish there weren't so many colors in a world I always expect to be black and white. Can I really ask for that and would I even mean it if I were to say it out loud. What the heck does that even mean.

You know God you have totally thrown me for a loop in this one. Father I just pray that you guard or hearts...because it seems like someones is about to get broken and I would rather it be mine....which I feel like it kind of is. either way I will loose.

I will have nothing to count as loss because Lord you truly are all I will ever need.

Is that the lesson you are trying to teach me? Nothing on this earth will ever measure up? No person, no idea, no place, no future thoughts or presents situations on earth will ever bring me pure joy....because God I get that. I have learned that.

Can I go on a fast from boys...tell them I don't want to talk to them because I feel like I am lying to them both...and that God can't be telling both of them the same thing about me because you aren't telling me anything about them at least directly. Why do I let my heart get so involved in life? Why do I ramble on the internet. Why didn't my mother name me Madison after a street name instead of Whitney which is after a famous crack head with a few hit singles.

I love life really I do.

God I trust you. God my hope is only in you I know that you have a plan and a purpose and a reason for all things...even if I can't understand...even if it is hard to handle. I will never give up on you I will never doubt you....I just pray that when I stand in heaven with will know how much I love you and how hard a sought to know you more.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

I appreciate free will I really do. I have been completely transformed by grace because of it. I know the difference between living life by the worlds standards and then living life by Gods plan and purpose.

However now that I know that I was not meant to go at life alone, and now that I know that life with the Lord will surpass my wildest dreams I wish I could give my free will back.

Is there like a customer service counter around here that will allow me to trade in my free will for God's perfect will? That way I won't have to worry about getting caught up in making wrong decisions.

I am half serious and half kidding about this.

Love you Lord

Friday, January 2, 2009

God thank you that you always seem to find me. You always keep my heart in check and spirit at ease. Lord never let me lose my sight of you. I thank you so much for the many blessings you pour down on me God. Help me see my life situation as you do. Help me to have patience with waiting for your plan to unfold. Dear Lord delight in my life. Please continue to reveal your face to me. Thank you that every year I become closer and closer to you. Please continue to transform my heart and to make it more like your sons. God give me courage and give me strength give me vision for your kingdom. Bring me daily upon my knees in awe of you. You amaze me daily. Your love for me goes beyond my comprehension. I have never nor will I ever love another as I love you Lord.

God thank you for friends I pray that you continue to work in the friendships you have blessed me with. I pray that you continue to bless us with fun times. Our personalities really compliment each others and it is wonderful. But God I pray that you call us to a higher standard of friendship I pray that you call us to be warriors for your kingdom. I pray that when we are gathered together we are filled with your spirit. I pray that you lead us into caring only about your kingdom. I pray that through are numbers, we can move mountains and see lives transformed. I pray that the lost are drawn to the love we demonstrate to each other because of you. Lord use our bond to bring you glory. Protect us from anything that would stand in your way. Let our lives be only about you is always only about you.

Be with Lauren and Chase as they learn more about each other. Call them to your purpose. Call them to bring glory to you. Delight in them and let them tell the nations about your love. Let them stay safely on your path. DO not let them stumble do not let them loose sight of who they are meant to be in Christ, when they are together and when they are apart.

Father I lift Allie and Omar to you. I thank you that you have there hearts and that there love for each other was stemmed from their love for you. Continue to bless their marriage. Keep them safe. Call them to set the world on fire for you. I pray that while they take time away from YL that you still install in them a passion that burns for your kingdom. Keep them in your perfect plan for their lives. I pray that when people see how much they love each other they notice that that love came from loving you first.

Okay God are you ready for the big one?

Lord more then anything this year my hearts deepest desire is to see Courtney come to know you. I am so grateful for her friendship. She is so sweet and delicate. You have given me such a heart for her God and I love that she is such a big part of my life. But God I pray so very much that this year....some way or some how....she will get a glimpse of the love that you have for her. She knows about you. She knows about Jesus.....but she really has no idea. She has never felt your spirit God. I know this because if she would have she would be all yours.If she was able to feel even an ounce of your love for her she would realize it was what she has been missing all this time. TJ is coming home and I am so afraid for her. I really just want her to have the best life possible and I know the only way for that to happen is if she comes to know you first. I feel like I suck at life because she can't see you though me. But if she can't see you through my life please bring her to a place where she will be able to see you. I see myself in her so much. I see you in her...but she just doesn't get it. There is something in her heart that prevents her form seeing past the things of this world and it breaks my heart. so God please move in a mighty way. Please stop at nothing to bring her home. God please give her vision of what life with you would be like. god use me in what ever way necessary to bring her to your arms. I want her to see what the world won't let her. Pull all distractions God. Draw her to you Lord. I'll be on my knees for this all year lord. Transform her life......=) and don't let me freak her out when i talk about Jesus.

I love you with my life Lord